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103 - The Frequency of “Not Enough” & Finding Your Tribe


Hey Guys! Nicole Gabriel here! I’m the host of the Let’s Get Your Book Published podcast. I’m also the author multiple books, a Book Designer, and a Publishing Coach as well as an intuitive Business Coach.

I’ve been in the book business for awhile now and I’ve helped many clients get their book published. On this podcast I share personal stories, client stories, and the truths about the publishing industry. Ultimately, I shoot to give you the truth about the publishing industry from a girl that’s been there and done that.

The subject of today’s podcast… The Frequency of “Not Enough” & Finding Your Tribe?

Boy if I only had a dollar for every time someone told me I wasn’t enough! But, enough of what exactly? And how does this relate to writing a book?

People are funny with their projections! I don’t pull my weight for the over-achiever. I don’t dress or carry myself the right way for the show-boater. I don’t wear the right clothes for the egomaniac. I don’t like to do or be a certain behavior. I eat weird. I’m trying to be different. I’m not different enough. I’m too fat. I’m too skinny. I don’t vote for the right party. I state too much of my opinion. I don’t say enough. I don’t live the preferred or a more common or traditional lifestyle. I’m too quiet. I’m not giving more of myself. I give too much of myself. I don’t fit a mold. My spiritual inward journey is misunderstood in its outward expression. What I have achieved personally doesn’t doesn’t have the appearance of success. How many other ways can I be so wrong for so many? Pretty well no matter where you show up you’re not enough…for all the wrong people!

So guess what guys? When you write a book…wherever you heard any of that…you’re gonna hear it again! You’re a moving target the minute you share who you are or you have an opinion!  The minute you choose a public life over a private one you are eligible for criticism. So is life! As they say…when the going gets tough, the tough get going!

God, it’s just exhausting, isn’t it? The whole cancel culture thing we are going through in the US is ridiculous! And it’s just so bad that even the people that are supposed to know and love you also criticize you! You are held to the higher standards of your parents failures and under achievements. They want more of you than they achieved themselves. And your siblings are in the never ending competition of who achieves more than the other. And in partnerships it seems it’s more like applying for a job these days than love.

And, you know, it’s funny, some folks are focused so deeply on self care and achieving some unknown state of self love they don’t see that they are missing out on the love right in front of them and let it go without apology or effort. There’s this mind chatter in the wounded that attracts the distance it’s meant to be curbing. When the world tells you that you are not enough frequently enough you start to believe it.  I saw a great quote from an unknown author today and it goes like this:

“You don’t have a communication issue, the frequency is just different.”

Have you heard that saying “don’t judge me for the chapter you walked in on”? If someone walked in on my chapter now they might see that I have no desire to achieve their measurable for success. I’ve achieved boatloads of success over my lifetime. Currently, I’m very content. I love the work I do. I don’t care to push myself more than I do. I push myself hard in many directions. No matter who comes into my life I will not be enough of something they are trying to achieve within themselves. I’m not looking to argue a point, not looking to be right, not looking for massive success, not trying to be someone I’m not, I have no goals I haven’t achieved already, yet I have preferences and tastes, and feelings. I know who I am and what I have to offer. There is a particular peace in that. There is a Rumi quote that says:

“ Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”

I believe when we become self-sourcing we no longer need to seek from outside self and we no longer need approval from others that are less interested or less qualified. And, personally, I know that whatever I set my mind to has been thoroughly researched well beyond someone’s snap opinion or lack of sincere interest. We have to follow our joy as it will lead us to the reason we exist and our life purpose. There is another quote by an un named author that says:

“I have an unshakable destiny”

There are points in life where we believe we have to work hard and go after something to achieve it. It always seems to be just out of reach. I believe we simply have to show up in our strength and essence and our destiny is pre-written. We are made in god likeness.

The only times I have been shaken are the times people come into my life to tell me I am less than or that my goals or interests or desires are silly or unrealistic. Another quote from Buddha says:

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.”

Over the years, all my metaphysical practices could be summarized as tools to remove obstacles. The obstacles are in a variety of forms, but, what might they be cleared to access? The essence of true self is behind them of course. Some obstacles are gifts and others are the lessons we need to learn to achieve more soul growth or awareness. Perhaps you’ve heard the quote

“Be so rooted in your being that nobody’s absence or presence can disturb your inner peace.”

So, how do you know you are enough or that you are connecting to your true essence? I think this is where faith comes in. It’s also the point where you will suddenly have all the energy and imagination you will ever need. It doesn’t mean you won’t have desires, as those are necessary to motivate you. But, you will find a calmness in your heart and no matter what chaos or noise comes at you, you will be lead by your passions and desires when your path and purpose are known at some level. When you can be positive in a negative situation its a combination of faith, skill, knowledge, and may lead to a leadership role as you have found some level of mastery to share with others. Of course, this is a great place to be to write a book.

The beautiful thing about writing a book is that you get to showcase your mastery. The energy of your divine mastery is allowed to channel through you for the moments you become one at the keyboard with the power that created you. Whatever noise you may encounter (whether it be before, during, or after your time there in the chaos) is overruled by a greater creative force. For these beautiful moments where you are at one with your true essence it is literally impossible to not be enough! This is a “you” as you gets. The expression of your desires, life experiences, the reflection and dreams of a purposeful life are captured here. No matter who your greatest supporters or enemies are, here is where it all comes together. There is no wrong in the self expression of your words. Now, of course, there is proper language and wording and punctuation, but that’s why we have editors. No worries there!

When the world says that you are not enough, one of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of who and what you cannot change. You are always enough for the one that created you! Another great Buddha quote is this:

“Don’t get upset with people and situations because both are powerless without your reaction.”

You see, when your entire life you have been told you are not enough, you either believe it or you learn to see that those that believe this are not consciously awake or aware that the power that created all of us is very powerful and that they are merely reflecting their own lack. They simply cannot see the god light. “What you think of me is none of my business” is a great quote here. When you become consciously aware, you understand that all criticism is someone not understanding their relationship with the all that is, the source energy, god, creation. Simply put, they are not god-centered. Their perceived lack is not for you…it’s simply their voiced observation. You have a maturity or a greater and deeper understanding when you allow the “water to roll off the ducks back” as they say. You understand when someone sees lack in something you do its simply a trigger for them. You learn compassion for their lack of god-centeredness. You can only feel sorry for someone that thinks you are not enough. They have lost a connection to source.

In a few of my last relationships I was criticized by my partner because I lacked something they needed. Somehow I became the source for their need. I couldn’t see how I was responsible for what they lacked. I’ve been told I don’t fully show up. This simply means they have had an expectation for me to show up in a way that I didn’t. When you become more largely aware you know that it’s impossible (and dangerous) to be the source of what another feeds on. And besides, you want to stick with people who pull the magic out of you, not the madness. To know you don’t fulfill someone’s expectations is a tall order to fill once you become aware of it. To be told you are not serving in some way that is not natural to your being to alter and change.  There isn’t much magic in this kind of relationship. You want to be around people who are good for your soul.

My training has taught me to release cords and contracts so that my soul is unbound in this lifetime. Having an expectation of someones behavior is very limited thinking. We have infinite possibilities available to us. Most writers are really deep thinkers, lovers, and souls. When you have a deep soul you wait for another to speak to those enriched pieces of you, yet someone without depth is completely unaware of their existence. There is often a kind of loneliness for the deep soul…so many surface-level interactions all day long. There is a desire and a longing to find others able to reach the same depths. This is where writing can be such a freeing gift. You are allowed these special moments at the keyboard to share what you long for, what you have accomplished and overcome, and how you have prevailed through obstacles and challenges. And, if you want to know who your tribe is, speak your truth. When you see who sticks around you find your tribe.

I would say a tribe is a close-knit group of either family or friends that are your support system. These are people who add value to your life. They may challenge you to be greater than you were yesterday, or those that just sprinkle magic into your existence…and you likely do theirs in return. Sometimes a book gives you the opportunity to share your truth and find your loyal tribe. As it has been said…

“your vibe attracts your tribe”

I just adore this quote:

“Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth “You owe me.”
Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.”

So, the next time you are told you are not enough, don’t worry about proving yourself to someone that is already not in support of you. Step away and just know they are simply not your tribe. This may happen in life or it may appear the other side of a published book. Your tribe will not just tolerate your quirks but celebrate them. Here is a longer quote, but I love this one:

“Find people who can handle your darkest truths, who don’t change the subject when you share your pain, or try to make you feel bad for feeling bad. Find people who understand we all struggle, some of us more than others, and that there’s no weakness in admitting it. In fact, few things take as much strength. Find people who get that life is hard, and who get that life is also beautiful, and who aren’t afraid to honor both those realities. Find people who help you feel more at home in your heart, mind, and body, and who take joy in your joy. Find people who love you, for real, and who accept you, for real. Just as you are. They’re out there, these people. Your tribe is waiting for you. Don’t stop searching until you find them.

—Scott Stabile

When you publish your book you will now have put it out there that this subject is important to me and here’s my take on it… You will have begun to identify a platform to draw in likeminded readers and it will assist you in drawing your tribe nearer to you. When you write it is important to speak your truth and to speak it passionately. This is a perfect quote:

“You will be too raw for some. You will be too loud, too big, too fierce, too quiet, too deep…These are not your people.” — S.C. Lourie

It’s not like you’re writing to receive praise…and finding your tribe may not be overly important either, but when life beats you up and you work hard to fight back - writing a book is a great way to let everyone know that you matter! You have a voice. You are important. You have thoughts and opinions and a way to look at things that will help others achieve greatness because as an author if becomes very clear that you’ve overcome something and reached a certain level of mastery.

You’ve probably heard this quote:

“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.”

And, if you have not found your tribe, perhaps you are the one to create the tribe. You were not meant to fit in. You haven’t done things like others. You might be the one that says this is just a blip in the road and it is you that is meant to tell others it’s ok. Perhaps it is you that is meant to cause a stir, raise a hand, give a topic a voice, and it’s your heart-to-heart being-ness that is meant to light a room, make a change, or create a movement.

There are thousands of people across the globe that need nothing more than to meet someone like you! You don’t want to write a book and pretend to be someone you are not as this is just fear-driven and you will be speaking to people that don’t truly understand you. Let yourself be seen. You are already someone’s hero!

With all this being said, I hope I have encouraged you to stay the course and keep the focus on realizing that you are, of course, enough! You keep going showcasing you - in your personal life, your business life, your teaching, coaching, training, book writing, etc. This is your super power! If you’ve got something on your mind or your heart is hurting and you are motivated to shift into a more positive way of being, then writing a book is not just good therapy, but an awesome way to put out the vibration to attract your people. Life is crazy weird right now, but I believe in miracles, I’m game for beautiful surprises, I’m full of hope, and I’m thankful to share with you today. May your day be blessed!

When you are ready to write your book, design your online course, or need a little business or life coaching…I’m here to help. For now…and as always…I’m wishing you peace, love, and light!

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